Ego Aikido

Yesterday I wrote about how important it is to make sure that your true self turns up to the negotiation that plays out between your greatness and your ego.  Put that on hold for a second and think about some of the techniques that we use to circumvent the need for this.

Some courses, for example NLP ones, aim to use techniques that alter the viewpoint of your deep seated unconscious in a bid to make your conscious behave differently.  This can have success, it certainly has for me, but it doesn’t really acknowledge that the two viewpoints are going to keep on playing out.  They attempt to merge the two into a single form of behaviour and then the effects tend to wear off.

Some of us are lucky to have experienced some of Darren Eden’s training which is all about accessing your intuition, the intent of your true self, and wielding that will rather than your identity’s or ego’s.  Again, this is a fantastic way to create new and wondrous things in your life but still works from a presupposition that the viewpoint of your ego (or identity) cannot help you.  And indeed, this seems quite a real presupposition because it is very clear sometimes that people still find it hard to accept what their intuition is telling them and actually is just their ego getting in the way (me included).

So, back to negotiation.  Neither approach really considers that the ideal objective of a negotiation is a win-win outcome for both parties.  Both approaches attempt to quash the ego’s viewpoint. 

I think that when you manage to pull off a win-win, the outcomes are generally better and are certainly more likely to stick. (which is why yesterday I said you should never think of a negotiation as a conflict)

So, is it possible to achieve a win-win outcome in the never ending negotiation between your ego and your true self and still achieve what your greatness is really aiming for?  It certainly seems unlikely doesn’t it, but how about this……

A guy called Topher Morrison sells a short audio course called Negotiation Aikido – I highly recommend it.  Now Aikido is all about using your opponent’s attacking energy against themselves.  The objective is that it becomes effortless to defend yourself because it is the attacker’s energy that does all the hard work, you just need to connect with it and use it to your advantage.  Topher has worked out a fantastic way of taking this concept and using it in negotiation in such a way that even though you do this, the other person still feels like they have got their win – so there is no conflict and no resistance to you getting your end goal.

I would like to explore the idea that acting in our true self mode, we can use our ego’s energy to flow in way that naturally supports your true self’s objectives instead of needing to battle with it.  This idea depends upon your ability to see true self and ego as two separate beings but hopefully by now you can see that.

To stop this turning into a mammoth post, I will give a rather canned example here and then talk about the technique tomorrow.

Supposing your true-self loves to receive love but your ego hates it and prefers to think of itself as unworthy.  An Aikido negotiation would look like this:

True-Self:  “Ego, what are you trying to achieve by deflecting all the love that comes your way”

Ego:  “I have to, I need to keep up my image of not being worthy so it is really important to make sure that no love gets in”

True-Self:  “That must be hard work”

Ego: “It is, it takes a lot of effort and I don’t really enjoy it, it makes me feel pretty crappy really”

True-Self:  “I can help you out there, just send it all to me instead.  I will happily take it off your hands, sounds like you have got enough on your plate”

Ego: “Thanks, I will do that from now on”

True-Self: “Great”

Ok, so written like that it is corny.  But, that is a win win.  All the love flows to your true self.  Your ego automatically calls up your true self any time some love comes its way.  It even thinks it is doing itself a favour because it doesn’t need to put any effort into rejecting it and feeling crappy in the process.  That is Aikido!

I only thought of this today but I think there might be something in it. Certainly worth exploring.  Even if it just gets your greatness to the negotiation, it is better than the one sided affair that has probably been going on in your life.  

There is a technique for making sure negotiations that way – see you tomorrow!