What, What, What, What, What?

Does the title of this post look a little strange to you?  Maybe you would be more familiar with Why, Why, Why, Why, Why? 

As Tony Robbins often says, the quality of the answer is very dependent upon the quality of the question.  If we really want to understand the deep reasons for our thoughts and feelings, then why is probably the wrong question.  I am arguing for What? Instead. 

Yesterday I wrote about Ego Aikido and the concept that maybe we can use Topher Morrison’s negotiation aikido technique to get our egos to be less obstructive and bring our true self to the negotiation of life.

A key part of his technique is the question of What?

When we ask a person why they want a particular thing, just by asking why we are likely to make the person start adding more and more detail.  For example, why do you want a first class flight to get to Scotland?  The person is going to talk about the lounge, the service, the big seat etc.  If you are trying to argue for a different form of transport, you are helping the other person take the argument away from you.

Ask the person what they are trying to achieve by taking a first class flight to Scotland though and you actually take them further away from the detail.  They might answer that they need to get to Scotland, they want to be relaxed when they get there, they want a smooth passage etc.  With an answer like that, you can probably insert a different form of transport and still achieve those things.

So… What? Creates abstraction.  Why? Adds detail.

If you want to shift somebody’s view, abstraction is your friend.  It is much easier because somewhere in those higher realms, if you also ask your true self the what question, the two views will probably meet. (for the NLPers out there, this is chunking in action)

Lets apply that to yesterday’s example.

If my true self had asked my ego Why they rejected love, it would have created an opportunity to list off all the details about all the faults it thinks it has.  But by asking what it was trying to achieve, it created an opportunity for my true self to help it out my offering to receive all the love instead of the ego.

So, if your true self is battling with your ego, instead of asking yourself why you are feeling that way, why you cant seem to get it to stop etc.  Start asking yourself what you are trying to achieve with those feelings.  Once again, it might just bring your greatness to the negotiation!

Until tomorrow…